instant oatmeal that performs well in all conditions...a highly technical review

[bauerb]

some days its cold, some days it snows, some days I go up, some days I go down. some days all of those things happen at the same time. my goto choice is Quaker variety pack because some days you want apples and cinnamon, but other days are obviously Maple and Brown Sugar days. today happened to be a Kodiak Cakes maple day. what I can say at this point is that not all instant oatmeals are the same, and depending on where you are and what day you go shopping, not all brands and flavors are available.

after some highly scientific research and a rigorous evaluation , here is my review of 3 brands:

1. Quaker Apples & Cinnamon. its a no-brainer. really solid artificial flavor, and the oats always turn to mush with the predictability you would expect from Quaker

2. Signature Select: which seems to be the house brand at Safeway. this stuff should be packed away in your basement and eaten only after you have eaten everything else in the house. the artificial flavoring sets a new low for artificial. be careful when shopping, signature select boxing looks suspiciously like Quaker, and if you are not paying attention, its an easy mistake to make. NOTE: to avoid disappointment when pouring a standard 2 packet portion into your bowl, you need to know this: the Signature packets are only 1.35 OZ, vs 1.51 for Quaker. this matters! your bowl will be less full, and if you are not very careful with the Signature packets, its very easy to over-hydrate the oats and you get soup. yuck.

3. Kodiak Cakes: I think the bear on the label and the word "kodiak" are meant to lead you to believe that this is not your beginner, green circle oatmeal. the aim in the marketing is targeted to black diamond breakfast buyers, and the rustic colors are supposed to make you think its what real mountain men eat. my opinion, the flavor is not bad. unlike the Quaker, the kodiak oats do not turn to mush, so you end up chewing your oatmeal. so its really your choice, do you want to chew your oatmeal or not?

in terms of nutritional value, all 3 brands have some. in terms of sugar content, yup, all 3 have lots of that. but I choose to think of sugar as glucose in this context, and an energy precursor.

packaging: all 3 are non-directionally shaped boxes that have not changed in decades. zero sidecut, zero camber cardboard is less ergonomically friendly than some cylinder shaped packages, but I find the square boxes perform well in all home kitchen conditions.

Lastly, I highly recommend rinsing your bowl immediately after eating. failure to do so will result in fragments of oatmeal bonding to your bowl like cement, and will require either scrubbing or soaking, or both.

NOTE: while not included in the current study, Quaker +Protein is gross and should be avoided

[connyro]

This is funny. And oddly informative. Thank you

[Musk Ox]

Thanks for the review, bauerb. I'm continuing to learn so much.

I've been thinking of selling my Quaker Oats to buy some Axa Havregryn. It's Swedish, and it costs the equivalent of 400 USD for a 250g packet, but the resealable inner is sooooo sweet.

[bauerb]

250g is a very lightweight setup. should be good for Skimo

every notice how translating anything to Norwegian makes it sound technical, like every serious skier should buy?

"baklandskraft havregryn" - backcountry power oatmeal !

[1EyedJack]

YUK!
I used to gag on Quaker not-instant oatmeal when I was a kid, my mom left a bowlful of lumps.
PUKE! It made a lasting hate of all outmeals.

Maybe I could gag down baklandskraft havregryn if I was in a bind....maybe
https://www.axa.se/produkter/gryn/havregryn-i-pase/

[CwmRaider]

Why all the varieties with artificial flavors? Just get some rolled oats (instant if you prefer less chewy) add boiling water and whatever extras you like. Orange marmalade or diced dry apricots or salted peanuts + sugar + cinnamon. Its all good !
I actually love oats. Almost a perfect breakfast (i will take eggs bacon and croissant if offered though).
@Musk Ox AXA express isn't bad as a ready solution but I always like to add peanuts.
... and you should try Rømmegrøt if you're not familiar with it yet

[bauerb]

the results of skiing hard everyday is that you end up creating a "karbohydrathjørne"

[Musk Ox]

Why all the varieties with artificial flavors? Just get some rolled oats (instant if you prefer less chewy) add boiling water and whatever extras you like. Orange marmalade or diced dry apricots or salted peanuts + sugar + cinnamon. Its all good !
I actually love oats. Almost a perfect breakfast (i will take eggs bacon and croissant if offered though).
@Musk Ox AXA express isn't bad as a ready solution but I always like to add peanuts.
... and you should try Rømmegrøt if you're not familiar with it yet

I found double boxes of rømmegrøt at 50% off after Christmas a few years ago and thought "Oh, that looks a bit like creme brulée or some sort of sweet sour cream desert! Let's try that!" So I took it home, heated a whole pot in the oven and ate the whole thing with a spoon. I nearly died. My wife wasn't home to warn me what I was getting into.*

EDIT: we are a harvegrød** house. Here we toast oats and cardamom seeds until the porridge smells toasty and then tip in the milk and a little water and add dried fruit and top with apple and sometimes cinnamon sugar and chopped nuts.

I have to say that the best porridge is to be found in Denmark. They really understand porridge in that country.


*For the un-Norwegianed, rømmegrøt is the richest dairy product in the cosmos
*PORRIDGE

[Musk Ox]

the results of skiing hard everyday is that you end up creating a "karbohydrathjørne"

carb corner.jpg

Flot kulhydrathjørne, bauerb!

(That's Danish. By the way.)

[bauerb]

what a perfect name for a bakery! Flot Kulhydrathjørne !!